Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Tomorrow is Make a Plan Day

As of today, all the info is in. I've had an MRI-guided core biopsy (that was done Dec. 29th) and it shows that the new area they found is nearly identical to the first. For you geeks like me who like to know such things: I have bilateral, grade 2 DCIS; estrogen and progesterone positive, solid and cribriform, with central necrosis. In layman's terms, it's not invasive at this point, but has some aggressive features. Tomorrow we head to UAB at the ass-crack of dawn to meet with my breast and plastic surgeons, ask questions and make plans.

I'm not screwing around here, you guys: I am completely and utterly off-my-nut terrified. The wait has been awful and I've said so many times that all I wanted was a plan already, but now that we're here I can't stop shaking. This is real: I have cancer. I have breast cancer, both breasts, no shit, really cancer. Some people are focused on it being "stage 0" (though that could change once the surgeons are in there). However, breast cancer is a freakishly complicated beast, and there are other factors, like the necrosis. We'll be asking the docs a ton of questions, but we (meaning Andy and I) are leaning toward nipple-sparing bilateral mastectomy with immediate DIEP reconstruction. If I can avoid radiation, and it drops my recurrence risk by the roughly 90% I believe it will, then I have to do this. I know myself; I'm a ruminant (though not of the bovine persuasion, thanks), and if I don't do everything I can and it should ever recur, I will eat myself alive with recriminations.

So, tomorrow we know. I guess there's already no turning back, but this appointment makes it SO DAMN REAL and I have no words for the fear.

1 comment:

cymrywitch said...

hope to see you tonight at starbucks so i can give you a soft hug:)