Thursday, July 12, 2012

Brain reboot, with pictures!

Recently I was sick. Actually, I was *really* sick. Like, if I hadn't had my own nebulizer, I'd have been at the ER Saturday before last. My doc stopped short of Dx'ing pneumonia, as he didn't want to bother with a chest xray when it wasn't going to change the treatment. 

So I lost about a week and a half to this bug. I was nearly bedridden the whole time, so basically I slept, coughed, and watched a lot of mindless TV. I barely even knit.

It's almost like this forced rest caused a reboot to my brain, and in a way, to the universe. As I started to improve last Thursday/Friday, all sorts of amazing things started to happen. The first was that I got an etsy convo from the owner of Mrs. Hudson's Yarns and Teas in Bellinham, WA, asking if I could do wholesale. I mathed (all by myself!), took out the fees I pay to etsy and PayPal, did multiplication, etc. and realized that YES, I can. I was pretty amazed by that, let me tell you. So we back and forthed for a few days - she's pretty cool - and in the end, she's ordering enough that when I added up the number of individual pieces (she's ordering sets of stitchmarkers), I realized there are 300 to be made! I'd already spoken with the owner of Unwind in FWB about consignment - we have a few things left to hammer out, but that will be happening too. Plus I was invited to teach at Unwind - I love teaching, so that's really exciting.

In the week since the first wholesale inquiry, I have gotten three more bulk requests. I'm working on prototypes for the first two and waiting to hear back from the third. My brain is percolating overtime with ideas, and I am so busy I can't figure out when I'll fit it all in - but for the first time in years, I feel truly happy. I laugh all the time, and have decided I'm celebrating a second childhood.

Until fairly recently, I've been in such a haze of grief that I couldn't see straight. But starting with my spontaneous self-haircut, it's like I am finally allowing the lessons grief has for me to come through. A huge one is BE FEARLESS. No more holding back who I am because I think someone won't approve. No more trying to be anything I'm not. No more spending a millisecond with toxic people, no more allowing others to harsh my mellow by putting their well-being above mine and not calling them on assholish behavior. But by the same token, BE PATIENT. Remember that I never know the fullness of anyone's story - this was proved to me as I came to understand how long I must have walked around with cancerous tumors growing in my breasts and never even suspecting. And by how normal I was - am - able to act in public even with cancer and its aftermath; this reminds me that everyone has a story, and sometimes it's ok to excuse someone for being a jerk. 

Now, for those who've asked, my new haircut! The glasses have no lenses, as these pix were taken at the eye doc's office of the glasses I ordered. Yes, they are dark purple on the outside and chartreuse on the inside! Also, the bluish bangs are going soon. I'm contemplating bright screaming read all over.